Dear Agony Aunt
My partner abuses me mentally and
physically - what should I do?
Ask a dozen people and each one
of them will give you as many opinions. Remember, they are opinions. Ultimately,
you have to make a choice - it's your life. Even full time professionals get it
wrong from time to time because they often focus on what they are taught. They
go through the "processes" and they forget that each case is unique;
they forget they are dealing with real people. Fortunately, such mistakes are
rare.
What would I do if I were placed in a
situation that you describe? ***
I would immediately ensure my
personal safety. If I face any immediate danger, I would call the authorities.
Otherwise, I would move away from the threat and seek help from a lawyer. If
necessary, the lawyer would take appropriate steps to stop the threats and the
violence.
Of course, by consulting a
lawyer, I know that I may be putting my relationship on the line as my partner
may react adversely to this. But then the choice is between putting the
relationship at risk or my personal and emotional well being. Refuse to live in fear.
I take the view that mental and
or physical violence is not acceptable - I have a zero tolerance for it.
A
relationship only works properly when the parties respect human
dignity. If my partner doesn't respect me and uses violence, I would put my foot
down on the very first occasion and say that if it happens once more, that will
be the end of the relationship. If it happens a second time, I would end the
relationship.
Violence doesn't have any place in a truly loving relationship.
Here's another important tip:
most offenders carry on because the victim keeps quiet. Bring the violence out
in the open - and your partner may change. If not, don't put up with it - you
can do far better with your life; don't waste it behind violent creatures.
*** Important disclaimer:
I never advise - I simply offer my opinion so you may compare it with help
available via your local professionals and friends. You should always seek local
professional help.
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